Welcome!
July 7, 2020
The Virtual Red Carpet
July 9, 2020
(Originally published on the website of author Jon Ford and re-published here with permission.)
I know Jon already did a great piece on Impostor Syndrome that you can find here – Linky! But I’d like to express my thoughts on the subject as it specifically relates to writers. You can be the most confident person in the world, but, for many of us, when pen meets paper, the atmosphere shifts. And then the advice from others arrives, oftentimes uninvited, on our doorsteps while we search for the magical words from a confidante when we feel we’re failing.
When I was growing up, I had an aunt with whom I was very close. She was one of those souls who always remained young at heart and found a way to turn everything into a game. And when I would stay at her house, which was often, her mantra was, “The rules are…there are no rules!”
Recently, I was talking to my editor about a writing subject and his reply was, “Don’t worry about the rules. If there even ARE any rules.” Naturally, that sparked memories of eating chocolate donuts at Aunt Marlene’s kitchen table with my cousins at 2:00 in the morning when I was about six years old. Talk about freedom!
Almost 40 years later, I sat at my computer wishing I had the same madcap luxury with my writing. But I need to conform to what agents, publishers, and, more importantly, readers want. Don’t I? There are rules, regs, and protocols for this. Right?
The long and the short of it is…it depends on who you ask. And it also depends on how opinionated said adviser is.
I see it all the time among writers I know. Everything from the more complicated questions like “What’s your process?” to the more easily answered ponderings like “Do you listen to music while writing?”
We could chalk a lot of it up to curiosity and getting to know our fellow creatives, but I think it’s usually more than that. I think it’s validation that we’re looking for. Do I have the correct process? How are you doing it? I think I might be doing it wrong.
Do I need an outline? Should I edit as I go along or when I’m done? Should I have a word count goal and, if so, what should it be? How do I know when I’m really done with my manuscript? What if I disagree with my beta readers?
And then, of course, the ever-vital query – can I listen to music and write at the same time?
Instead of worrying about these semantics, I think it’s more important to examine why we ask these questions. At the end of the day, what someone else says doesn’t really matter. The bigger issue is that we have to accept that we’re on the cusp of putting ourselves out there. Yes, out there…in that jungle of zillions of books. The cosmic space that cultivated the likes of Tolkien, Fitzgerald, Bronte, Maugham, and Austen. Where we question whether a self-published author is still considered an author. Where we are presenting words that just came from deep within us to readers who will…*gasp*…review it. And what if, before we take that public leap, we’re doing it wrong??
And the fact of the matter is that it doesn’t alleviate any of the inner self-worth stress to search Google for the umpteenth time to verify that Rowling was turned down by 673 (gross exaggeration) agents before she became a billionaire. It doesn’t even help to remind ourselves that billionairedom is not our goal. (Yes, I’m full of it and, yes, I will stomp my feet if someone doesn’t turn my erotic romance series into a theme park. Fuck’s sake – can’t they see the endless potential???)
So, here I sit writing this post and listening to music. Disturbed is blasting the “Sound of Silence” in my ears. And that’s exactly what scares us the most and drives us to question if we’re doing it right. What if we lovingly nurture this child – conceived when one synapse fired in the dark, carried as we said our vows to Word, and birthed on paper in a fiery explosion of ink and printer cartridges – and it’s met with silence?
I have a following of over 11,000 people on Twitter and almost all of them are authors or aspiring authors. And I can promise you that just about every one of them questions their validity and their sanity as they navigate this road. I know I sure as hell do. Several times a day.
When I first embarked on this journey, I got in touch with the wonderful man who is now my editor. He’s a personal friend and a professional screenwriter and, when I had only 10 or 12 rough chapters written, I wanted to know what he thought. This was seven months ago.
His first question was, “What do you plan on doing with it?” Hell if I knew. I was just focused on the story that came to me and knew I had to get it out of my head.
“You should finish it and publish,” he said.
Wait…what?? The “P” word flipped a switch within me and I suddenly became afraid of my own work.
Since then, it’s been an emotionally wild ride. Like one of those roller coasters you see on YouTube and the steep climb doesn’t just drop you off a cliff…it tucks back under the mountain you just climbed and all you can see is a free-fall from 15 stories up to the cold, hard earth beneath you. Forget being attached to track. It doesn’t exist.
Editor: You need to finish this and put it out there.
Me: Yeah, okay. Definitely.
Editor: How’s it coming?
Me: Terrible! I can’t do this!
Editor: How’s it coming?
Me: Great! I’m super excited about the scene I just wrote!
Editor: How’s it coming?
Me: I’m an epic failure!
Editor: How’s it coming?
Me: I’m totally ready for your thoughts on self-publishing versus querying.
Editor: How’s it coming?
Me: I’m ashamed of myself and can’t do this.
That last one hurts. Because it’s really true. And no amount of questioning the right or wrong of my process is going to fix it. But what I know is that every writer has a voice. We all have a story to tell and we all have our place. I believe that more than I believe anything else in this world of words, and it’s for that reason that I will fight through my insecurities and publish.
My first book is almost ready to be sent out into the universe and I’m scared to death. I’ve been implementing every stalling tactic I know over the past couple of months to prevent the inevitable. Well, it’s either going to happen or I need to delete my Twitter account, wish my friends well, and call my lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings with Word.
Let’s go back to this for a moment: Do I need an outline? Should I edit as I go along or when I’m done? Should I have a word count goal and, if so, what should it be? How do I know when I’m really done with my manuscript? What if I disagree with my beta readers? Etc., etc., etc.
While there’s nothing wrong with seeking out the thoughts of others, you also need to know that at the end of the day, this is your story and you are ultimately in the driver’s seat. You’re going to doubt yourself, your story, and your abilities, but whatever you do, don’t let that stop you. Don’t let anyone stand in your way.
And that unsolicited input that lands on everyone’s doorstep sooner or later? Brace yourself because here it comes. The beat of your drummer may be vastly different from mine, but if you’re looking to find your footing, my advice is that when the insecurity bug strikes, you should take a short break from writing, sit at your kitchen table at 2:00AM, blast some music, and eat chocolate donuts. And when you’re done with that, get back to it any which way that suits your fancy..because the rules are there are no rules.
22 Comments
I totally agree with you when it comes to the insecurities. I’m not yet at the stage of publishing but I feel like I have been overthinking a lot. Whether the society will accept my work etc. Self-acceptance of a writer is indeed important. If you don’t accept the stuff you write, you can’t expect others to accept it. Thanks for the encouragement. I really like what you wrote here!
Thanks, Pineapple! I’m really happy to hear it resonated with you! 🙂
I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion on Twitter lately about how we have to write for ourselves first. Essentially, we have these characters stuck in our heads and they are crying to get out. So, we write our books to get them out of the cage that is our mind. That’s at the forefront of motivation for most of us, I believe. But it’s also a scary prospect to think about sending them out into the world where they may not be as widely as accepted as we’d like. I always compare it to planning a huge party with all of these ‘Yes’ RSVPs and then no one shows up.
In all likelihood, that isn’t going to happen. But if you don’t have the level of success for which you were hoping with the first book, rest easy knowing you’ve given wings to your story. And then keep writing!
If it helps Nikki, I outline as I go and the word counts are a loose goal. I do, however, have a good idea how long the book will be based on how how many outlines (I call them Points of Interest, or Story Shifts) I have. I keep it loose like this so I can focus more of my attention to just writing.
Hi, DTF! I know a lot of writers who use outlines with great success. The illustrious Jon Ford is becoming famous for his Spreadsheet of Doom™! 😀 Personally, I don’t plot a course until I’ve reached around chapter 15 of a book. For example, the books in the Acts series are coming in around 22 chapters and it isn’t until I reach the last third that I need to loosely determine how to get from there to the end.
That’s really the point of this post – everyone has their own system and it’s okay. What works for you won’t work for someone else and vice versa. I think as long as we keep writing, we’re doing something right! 🙂
For me I usually note down all my ideas and create links for them later on. It’s somehow like playing a puzzle. I keep moving paragraphs here and there. It might sound weird to some but so far this is the most comfortable way for me 🙂
“…the most comfortable way for me.” Exactly, Sara! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it – just keep on doing it your way!
I’m quite new to all of this. Can you explain to me the difference in querying and just publishing?
I do love this! I think we all have self doubt. As you say, take a break. That is what I do too. Walk away, blare music and dance! It helps get rid of the doubt and builds up my confidence.
Hi, Charli! Querying is the process of trying to find an agent to represent you with the publishing houses. You can also directly query the publishers, but I think it’s more common for authors to go in search of agents first.
Some authors either don’t find success with the process or just decide that the traditional route isn’t for them and self-publish.
We all need a break. For me, I’ve found I have come up with my best solutions when I walk away from it for a bit. The wheels are always spinning!
Thanks for explaining that to me. It would make sense to self-publish then. I would think a lot of writers might do that after they try querying (with no luck). I guess I have a lot to learn. I love to write, I need to spend more time learning the process after I write!
Anytime – I’m always happy to help! When this started for me almost a year ago, I thought it was a matter of writing the book and either querying or putting it on Amazon. Since then, I have learned there is SO much more to it than that. If you aren’t already a member of the #WritingCommunity, I would suggest diving in and getting to know some people. It’s a super friendly bunch and this is where I discovered all the steps I was missing.
I’m not quite ready yet but I am almost there! I am going to skip the querying part too (for my first book). Maybe in the long run it will help me (people will see that I’ve got something out already). I totally understand your insecurities, I have them too. Good luck!
Thanks, blakel! I’ve seen many agents who want to know if writers are already published, so your train of thought is going in the right direction. Best of luck to you, too! Keep us posted on your progress!
It sounds like you’re going in the right direction! Your editor wants you to finish and has faith. You must be doing something right! I think we all have insecurities and I for one know I get ashamed if I am not working to my potential. I think when I notice it is when I strive to do more and work harder.
That’s a very interesting point, Patrick. Kind of like a backwards awakening. Instead of realizing your potential and then working harder as a result, you work harder and discover the potential was there all along. I can relate to that. The past couple of weeks that I’ve spent buckled down and focused has been an eye-opener.
I still have a lot of insecurity about releasing the first book, though. The date has been chosen and when I was talking to my editor about it two nights ago, it sent my stomach into knots. I keep relating it to throwing a party that everyone says they’ll come to but no one shows up. I’ve never been one to back down from my fears, though, so I’m moving forward as planned! 🙂
That is awesome that you have set a date. That must mean that you are finished right? I totally understand the whole party planning theory. I’m sure people will buy your book, even if you sell just a couple it’s a start! Keep going, you got this!
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Patrick! 😀
I am the same way Patrick. If I am not working as hard as I can or feel like I’m not up to my potential it forces me to work harder. I’m my own biggest critic and the end of the day. I push myself to be the best version of myself.
Great post! It is for sure exactly how many if not all of us new writers think or feel. I wonder if after we have a couple of books out in the wild or even a bestseller, will we feel the same insecurities? I sure the heck hope not. Thanks for making us feel “not-so-alone”.
Did you tell us your release date?
I would hope we’d start to feel better about it, especially if we had any success with the first one.
The release date for Closure is tentatively set for February 5th and you’ll know for sure when that’s set in stone because I’ll be blasting it all over the place! 😀
I would hope that with success it will come easier too. You would have to build confidence with each success. February 5th isn’t all that far away! I bet as it gets closer, you will get so much more excited!
This was exactly what I needed to read today. I’ve been struggling with lots of self-doubt and worry as I try to get some of my stories down on paper. They are all in my head, these interesting and thought-provoking tales, but when I start to write, it feels like my brain freezes up. I worry about the process and if I’m doing it the way all the greats did. And then I get distracted, because it’s easier to listen to a podcast than it is to write a scene. I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you. In this new year, I’m really going to tackle my writing anxiety head on. I have stories to tell! Thanks for the inspiration, Nikki!
Trust me when I tell you, I know it’s easier said than done…but you can’t let concerns about your process and what others who have gone before you have done interfere with your words. Freezing up is exactly what is going to keep happening.
Something that helped me was to think about it in steps. When I first started writing Closure, I reminded myself that all I was doing was getting out the story and no one ever had to see it if I didn’t want to share it. Then I took the colossal step of sharing it with one person – my editor. His feedback encouraged me to show it to another person. And so on. Throughout that process, I found my voice and my writing style, which helped to polish the book. That doesn’t make it any easier, though, when I think about releasing it next month. It’s still scary, but I haven’t come this far to chicken out now.
Anyway, my point is to get started by writing for you. Forget about everyone else and give yourself over to your characters. There is no right or wrong – once you’re fully immersed in your story, your own brand of magic will happen. 🙂